Happy New Year!

Lesson 4: Don’t Leave The House Without Taking A Photo

Always, always take a photo.

Problems: Your bedroom may have deceptive lighting.

Aims: You may want a keen bronzed glow/Fake-tan will make you look slimmer and more toned.

Reality: You resemble a deep, rich mahogany that may belong to a distant, as-yet-discovered race. Your male friends do not use fake tan and haven’t recently been on a tropical holiday.

Result: Oompa-Loompa.

Lesson Two: Tan Lines

 

On holiday, tan lines tell a story.

Lessons to be learnt:

• If you’re lobster red you’re a risk taker – bait. But, you’re unlikely to do anything involving friction. Friction + sunburn = pain.
• Substantial tan marks reflect much sun worshipping and imply you’re nearing the end of your stay. Cue green light for locals, reps, and well, um, everyone because they won’t have that awkward eye contact over breakfast the next morning; you’ll be on the plane (S.T.I optional).

P.s. These impressive tan lines have the awkward appearance of Bridget Jones’ granny fat pants. Not cool.